It can be a fine line between 

appreciation and attachment. 

And as with all fine lines, easy to slip from the good side to the one we hope to avoid.

The deciding factor? Craving. Desire. Missing something when it’s absent, like the morning triple-shot latte we had during that rush project at work. Wanting it to not end when it’s present, like an evening spent listening to our favorite music at a summer concert.

Think of attachments as failing to accord, of not being satisfied with the current situation. They’re unfulfilled wishes, which is the seventh of the eight sufferings. And they can be difficult to detect because it cane be a really fine line between them and sincere appreciation.

But since attachments lead to suffering we do need to detect them. And so we need to observe our thoughts. When we fix our morning coffee do thoughts of lattes arise? Does our usual simple cup now seem less satisfactory? Do we start checking prices online for that Nespresso machine everyone’s talking about?

If so, we’ve slipped over that line.

Whether learning or teaching, 

we need Dharma affinities. 

A Buddhist teacher needs to successfully practice the principles learned from the sutras and accomplished masters before teaching others.

A student needs to willingly set aside other teachings to focus on only one. Lacking this focus would be like pouring tea into a full cup of coffee. You’d get a cup overflowing with an unpalatable liquid.

Similarly, mixing teachings muddles both. Between the teacher and student, a Dharma affinity needs to exist with the teacher willing and happy to teach the student, and the student willing and happy to learn from the teacher. Such a relationship is essential. Without it even if we were to try to learn from an accomplished master our learning would be limited as we would not feel all that inspired to practice. Better to learn from a less accomplished master because having an affinity with our teacher, we will take in much more of the teachings.

And actually practice them.  

When we speak of how people have upset us, 

we are not ridding ourselves of our frustration. 

We are dumping it on others. 

“Phew, now I feel better.”

But what about the other person? What if they are no better than we are at letting frustration roll off our backs like water off a duck’s? Even though they didn’t experience what we did, they can still pick up the pain we are feeling, and compound it with their affection for us. 

It’s as if we’re clearing our backyard of rubbish by dumping it in someone else’s.

Even though those who care about us willingly listen to our ranting and whinging, is it fair to ask them to? We’re not showing we care about them when we’re offloading our rubbish onto them.

Instead of being so wrapped up in our irritation that we uncontrollably heap our suffering on another, we need to stop the garbage from leaving our backyard. How about turning it into compost! Mix it with patience and dilute it with forgiveness.

Replace the bad with the good, and transform that garbage into something useful.