If you can’t understand, fix, or accept it

—let it go. 

“I don’t see how the project will work. I don’t get why they’re doing it. I just don’t understand.”

We’ve all been there. We hear about what an individual or group is doing and just can’t see how the proposed project will work, or even why it’s needed. Perhaps we were asked to participate, and that’s why we looked into the proposal. After checking things out, we were left bewildered and shaking our head.

At this point, we have two options.

We can keep retracing our steps trying to figure things out.

Or we can politely decline the invitation to participate and get back to meeting our responsibilities, responsibilities we understand, accept, and were happy to take on.

The first option will result in further frustration and wasted energy. The second option—letting go—enables us to reduce our frustrated thoughts, wish those undertaking that new project success, and re-dedicate ourselves to the work we are qualified and committed to doing. 

Offering criticism in a timely, respectful manner.

(Part Two) 

Having learned previously in Part One who falls within our parameters for offering critical remarks to—those we have a good affinity with—we next need to know how we advise in a manner we wish others would use with us. Other than in times of danger, it’s largely a matter of timing and approach.

Try hard to not correct someone in front of others or when you’re upset.

Instead of bluntly criticizing them, phrase the comments in terms the person is more likely to accept.

Don’t say the person is wrong, just that you believe what they did was. Then explain why and what might have been done instead. Have a respectful conversation, don’t give a lecture.

As the Buddha advised: “If you know anything that is hurtful and untrue, don’t say it.

If you know anything that is helpful but untrue, don’t say it.

If you know anything that is hurtful but true, don’t say it.

If you know anything that is helpful and true, find the right time.” 

Offering criticism in a timely, respectful manner.

(Part One) 

Discerning when and how to criticize someone remains a skill few of us have mastered.

Let’s face it, we haven’t even grasped the more basic issue of who we should—and can—criticize. We seem to think it’s a wide-open field. Anyone stumbling into that field who acts in a manner we wouldn’t is subject to the critical remarks bubbling up within us and, unless we manage to catch ourselves, spewing forth.

Wonderful. As if we needed another karmic enmity.

So who do we criticize? Those we are responsible for, like our children or subordinates at work. Those we have a good affinity with and who are open to our suggestions like some family members, friends, and close co-workers. Those we love and respect, who love and respect us.

If there is a good affinity and we feel someone will welcome our opinions, we offer them. For those with whom the affinity is weaker, or non-existent, we guide through setting examples.

And keep out opinions to ourselves.